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Lazy & Scary
a shikamaru x neji oneshot.

Hyuga Neji is not a friendly person. Anyone who says otherwise is either not very intelligent, a vegetable, or Hinata.

Hyuga Neji is a very attractive person. Anyone who says otherwise is either blind, under an oath to silence, or Hyuga Hiashi.

Hyuga Neji is a very strong fighter. Anyone who says otherwise has either never seen him fight, is insanely powerful, or is called Kiba (wants Hinata to himself, selfish brute).

Hyuga Neji is very scary. Anyone who says otherwise is very brave, has a huge frog on his side, or is Sasuke.

Hyuga Neji is beyond a doubt all these things, just I am beyond a doubt Temari’s complete and utter bitch.

There was a party once, and it was just ‘us guys.’ By Us Guys, I mean the semi-normal guys that somehow can be considered main characters. Sorry, but no one was going to invite someone like . . . Itachi to a sleepover. Although, when I think about it—I really shouldn’t; I think too much—Itachi is a pretty main character. He’s got himself a fanbase bigger than mine, actually. Damn it. Why do the girls go for the mass murderers?

Anyway, what the hell was I talking about? Ah, yes, Us Guys: Neji, Lee, Kiba, Choji, Shino, and I. By naming us, I realize that there is only a girl on each team. Temari’s proof enough that females can kick ass, too.

What color are Shino’s eyes?

Well, we’re having a sleepover, and because we’re guys we start asking each other seedy questions. Or, better put, Kiba started asking everyone else seedy questions. You know the kind. What girl would you to in the ? It was almost like Clue. I was tempted to answer Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a knife, but I had a feeling his name wasn’t Colonel Mustard, and that they would all take it the wrong way.

And then the tables turned. If you could have one guy in this room, which one would it be? Kiba really is an uber-pervert, and with this question, probably very much bisexual.

Lee blushed and said Ooooh, Sakura-chan is the only girl for meeeee. Sometimes I think Lee and Neji are competing on who can be scarier. Personally, I think Lee wins hands down.

Sakura is a bitch. There’s no accounting for taste, I suppose.

Chouji coughed nervously and answered after a short pause for thought, Probably Shika, y’know, ‘cause he’s nice. An amused grin slipped on my face, and I refused to be embarrassed. Hell, it was kinda cute.

Shino muttered something under his breath—which was probably the name Kiba—but when we asked him to speak up he glared at us. How we could tell he was glaring at us behind those sunglasses, I have no idea. Probably his eyebrows.

Kiba chuckled, glad to have incited something—even something as minor as this . . . Kiba is really easily pleased, I suppose. I’ll go last. How about you, Shika?

Psh. I didn’t even have to think. Feh, Neji.

I think I hurt their feelings—though none of them would admit it. A guess a genius’s opining does count for something . . . even if it is something as stupid and pointless as this. Well, not Neji’s feelings . . . unless he was really insulted by the fact he was found attractive by plain Shika.

Hmm, well, Neji probably wasn’t too hurt . . . since I am a genius I figured it out quite logically and quickly. You see when one is hurt emotionally one tends to turn away both mentally and physically. Hence, a hurt person will look away, or perhaps stop talking. Neji isn’t exactly the average person, so when he is hurt emotionally, I think he would probably beat the offender senseless or glare and walk away.

He did not react as I thought he would if he were hurt, though. Therefore, he was not hurt.

He came over and started kissing me, and with my genius brainpower I figured out that he was not hurt.

Yes, I am mocking my own intelligence. I’m not stupid, and if you thought the thought process I explained was my actual thought process, you’re an idiot and I don’t know how you’ve managed to understand this much.

Well, back to the kissing. At fifteen the only kiss I’d gotten so far was this stupid one from Ino, back when she had a crush on me after Sasuke left the village. I think I was her ‘rebound guy’ even though Sasuke never paid her any mind at all, much less went out with her.

Much less broke up with her. But I was nonetheless.

Ino is troublesome.

Anyway, this was my second kiss, and . . . hmmm, being none other than Nara Shikamaru, I analyzed it.

I assumed—correctly, I think—that Neji had never kissed anyone before in his life. He doesn’t look like the kissing kind. So therefore, the kiss was bound to be sloppy and uncomfortable. Even so . . . Neji tasted like peaches.

Peaches are my secret weakness. Sh, don’t tell anyone.

Despite it being rather fun, and very gratifying, not a lot came from it. Kiba leered, Lee gaped, Chouji stopped eating, and Shino was . . . completely expressionless, but inside maybe he was . . . disturbed? Even if he had a thing for Kiba, himself . . . I dunno.

Yes, there are things I don’t know. Those things are too troublesome to figure out, and that’s why I don’t know them.

Okay, but as soon as the party was over—okay, okay, I admit it, that wasn’t the only kiss of the night—it was as if we all agreed in some silent agreement to never speak of it again. Neji went back to rarely sparing me a glance, and I went back to be Temari’s whipped boyfriend.

One time, though, when he was taking the chuunin exam—and I was an examiner, to my irritation . . . TROUBLESOME—he gave me a look. I think you know what I’m talking about. I have a pretty good idea what would have happened if I had gone over to give him ‘advice.’ I didn’t. I don’t like drama—hence my lack of an emo back story, which is almost a necessity for most of the people I know.

Feh, he’s a high-maintenance bitch anyway. Too troublesome.

Not that Temari is any less troublesome . . .

Damn it.
Heh. This came out of nowhere, really. Shika really is rather silly, hehe. This takes place right before Naruto comes back from training with Jiraiya, so both him and Sasuke are missing.

crazytwinlex Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2006
Yum peaches!
AkumaNara Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2006
OMG SO FUNNY XD neji tast like.. a fruit? -_-'.... yummi ^^
Feyona Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2005
That was cute. It truely was. Oddly funny. ...

Peaches, I would have never guessed. I'd have thought...raspberries, for some reason. Though...not the taste. The smell. Because raspberries smell good. <3
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